• doesn't understand why she can't be happy.   
• doesn't know how to be happy.  
• doesn't know why she could care so much about someone and they don't even look towards your direction.
• can't understand why she's never first.
• can't understand why she doesn't have any friends.
• doesn't know why people tell her that they'll be there, but when she needs them the most, they are nowhere to be seen.
• doesn't understand how someone can build up her excitement and then change their mind over and over again.
• can't believe you could ever hurt her so much.
• is too nice.
• doesn't belong anywhere.
• can't understand why no one likes her.
• distances herself from those that know she exists, and it hurts when they don't acknowledge or care that she's not there.
• doesn't understand why she dreams so much, knowing it won't come true.
• knows she's never good enough.
• doesn't know why she isn't wanted.
• believes she can't do this anymore.
• can't understand why you always let her down.
• realizes everyone has moved on without her.
• everyone has someone, except me.
• knows no one would ever go the extra mile for her.
• doesn't understand why everyone loves her, and no one ever notices herself.
• can't understand why her needs are always last and often forgotten.
• never thought she'd lose her best friend.
• doesn't know why no one is willing to give her a chance.
• knows she is a horrible person sometimes.
• knows she is a burden.
• doesn't believe you anymore.
• hates having to repeat these things all the time, like anyone cares.
• can't understand why he always looks at me like that.
• can't look people in the eyes anymore.
• is always alone, in fear of getting hurt more than she already has been.
• knows she was not meant for here.
• fakes a smile everyday.
• is hurt when her family won't invite her to things.
• is hurt when "friends" do things without telling her.
• never thought it would end up this way.
• doesn't know what love is.
• doesn't exist.

Hmm my first entry in awhile haha. I am so tired right now and I think I got sick. Ugh. Hmm anyway my weekend was pretty good. On Saturday we had the all church picnic at the park. It was awesome just being out in the fresh air with Saty listening to Love Story haha, and then there was a badminton tournament everyone was into lol and other things. And the food was pretty good too! haha. Yea it was just a nice relaxing day. But ha the funniest/oddest thing happened. One of my cousins and I were just chilling on the lawn chairs watching things happen and then all of a sudden she's like "Katy..Katy! do you remember SAM?!?!" and I'm like hmm yes it was my other cousin's ex-boyfriend. We looked back and we saw him. It was sooo awkward. She runs to my cousin and tells her hah she was upset and just weirded out how of all places in this city, her ex would be a couple feet away haha. But it was pretty funny after awhile. Hm then on Sunday I went to church of course and then after church I helped with my cousin's step brothers birthday party. But the highlight was definitely when she told me about something hilarious is Chris Brown's song "Forever" and I can NEVER listen to that song again or I'll bust out laughing haha. Hm so the party was pretty good, my mom brought my nephew ha and everyone was asking me questions like he was my son or something..hahah uh no...and yes then the next day school started and that sucked lol. I am so tired and drained and it's only Tuesday! =( Hmm hopefully it'll get better...